First of all, I need to write more. Every year I say I will, and every year I allow myself to get so ‘busy’ with things that do not even matter. I hate that I know 90% of the things I worry about don’t even happen, but still worry just the same! Can someone just tell me what the 10% is so I can stop worrying about the 90% and get on with my day? As I write that I suddenly have to wonder, would I hate that? Is the best and worst part about life the unknown? Or is there happiness with stability and consistency? When does that start to become complacent? Should it? I really do know how to answer that question for myself.
If I had anything in 2023 it was stability and consistency. For starters, this is the first full Calander year the world was free of COVID restrictions. I am still married (thank God). I started the year as Campus Director and will most likely end the year as Campus Director. My address is the same (still renting) and my theater subscriptions have been renewed. Same seats, same days, and same times. I like me a matinee, so I have an excuse to take a Wednesday off of work. What can I say. I also have the same amount of credit card debt, same amount of money saved for the down payment on this house ($0.00), and same commitment to go to the gym (none).
I am sure that in my archives of journals I wrote someplace, “All I want is stability and consistency.”, and here I am about to tell you that I have been feeling lost and bored heading into the end of this year. Things in the past, especially these last 8 years have changed drastically and often, so to have a year that I did not feel like I was growing through me off my guard. With that being said, the safety and security that comes with stability and consistency has allowed me to have an incredible year of experience and exposure I did not realize I was going to have.
This year, get ready, its big… We went to Europe and Africa. London, Portugal, Spain and Moracco to be exact. It was at the beginning of the year, however, still has my cup feeling full. The best part was the 2 weeks I got to spend with my husband without the stress of work and home surrounding us. It’s different when you are on another continent compared to heading to another city. You really feel disconnected, and you want to be more engaged. Being able to have the opportunity to travel has been one of the biggest benefits I have received since I was promoted. Of course, we did not stop there, the kids came for the summer, and we drove up through Canada to see Niagra Falls. That was more than I could have imagined! So many people and so much to do. Especially for the kids. We also flew to New Orleans with a few friends and took a handful of trips to our favorite city, Milwaukee. Travel is all I have ever wanted to do. I am basically living my dream when I look at it from that point of view.
After travel comes the concerts. We saw Janet Jackson this summer and Maluma this past October. We have Mariah Carey, 4th row, set in December for her Christmas show, in which I will probably pee my pants, and our Madonna concert was rescheduled for Feb 1. Again, things I have always dreamed of. I have never had to say no to a show that I have wanted to see, another benefit to my job. (Even though my credit cards say I should have.)
AS far as my career, this is where my challenges (or lack of challenges) begin to take hold of my thoughts. To easily sum it up, I am bored, and I am uninspired. My boss brings nothing to the table, and we have zero relationship. I think of him more as an equal that has nothing to show me and cannot help me professionally grow in the direction I want to. I do like his boss, and I hope to be able to move to his team in the future. I do not feel like I will get a raise, however I am so grateful for my current salary and would welcome any lateral move. It scares me though, that with this company, I really have not had the same position for more than two years. As of January 2024, I will have been a director for 2 years and I am so over it. I can tell you a million things that I don’t like, but after I go to spell it out and look back, I am just bored and finding every excuse to move on. The one thing that I am proud of, is that I did become a member of the Elk Grove Village Lions Club, and I am loving the opportunities I have had to get involved in my community and it really is making me want to run for Mayor. (20-year plan).
The fact that I did not do a 2022 year in review and the fact that I am in the same exact place this year as last year is disturbing. I don’t want to be in the same place as I am now next year. I can have the same house, job, husband and friends but I also need to see growth in those areas. I feel like I have compromised my growth for others; professionally and personally. I can be the little Facebook attention craving bitch and say, “I am not letting anyone take advantage of me anymore!!” but I know the reality of that situation and my outcomes would be the same as anyone that feels the need to broadcast a statement like that for the world to see. A failure. I can only promise to me conscious of this need to change and show you the results for next year.
Zio's Attic 